So today, my coworker started in today by saying that the guy she’s been dating for the past few weeks just rejected her.

By this time, I don’t even care anymore. She’s been going on a lot of dates trying to find the right person.

The thing that really pisses me off is that everyone at the library freaking sympathies with her.

Now this coworker is a “woe is me” kind of person.

Yet she’s always the center of attention. She’s “friends” with everyone. And I feel like she repeatedly points that out when she’s around me. It feels like she has a superiority attitude around me, yet we are the same level of this job. But she talks too much. I mean too much. The main manager has told her before to stop talking and work more because she does it so much.

We were friends, and we once hung out with each other. Until one day she was complaining that her friends never hang out with her. I said “I’ve asked you to hang out before” and she replied with “Well I don’t see you as a friend, I see you as a coworker.” And since that day, she hasn’t been talking to me that much while at work. She never comes and talks to me anymore about her life. She goes to other people now.

I’m fucking sick of her. I’m actually kind of glad she’s been getting rejected in these kind of ways. Because it feels like karma is finally getting to her. She always thinks she’s top shit, yet is always freaking complaining. I swear she makes me so depressed with all her problems and talking about them while at work. I’m such a happy go lucky person, I’m always happy, and I can hide my problems well, because my problems shouldn’t be talked about at work, and work makes me happy. Yet here she comes in with all her problems and it makes me so down. I don’t want to hear about your failed dates. I don’t want to hear about your last boyfriend. Our page manager today said “well you are still young and you have a lot to look forward to still”. She’s turning 25 this year. I’m 23 this year. I told them that I haven’t even been dating because the men here are crap and I have extremely bad luck with men. Yet do they care? No.

My boss continued to talk with her about finding nice guys, and she said she knew a nice guy she could set her up with.

Here’s the other thing that pisses me the fuck off. People keep pairing her with guys. Like setting her up with someone for a first date. People at work. 

Why. The fuck. Not me?

My old boss Mira who is freaking awesome, at least I thought, had been transferred to another library. She was awesome. I went to a convention with her. She is a total nerd like me.

She. Set her up. With a nerd.

FUCKSLFJSKDLFJSKLFJSDKJ

Emalie, the girl, isn’t even into nerds. She hates nerdy stuff. She hates video games and comic books. And I’m sure Mira knew that. SO WHY THE FUCK DID SHE SET HER UP WITH HIM. WHY THE FUCK NOT ME.

Emalie said all he talked about was video games and computer stuff and she hated it.

Why the fuck does she keep having coworkers pair her up with people.

Why the fuck not me.

I’m thinking it’s either because A: They think I’m a lesbian or B: They don’t realize how alone I feel.

I mean, sometimes I might come off a bit butch. Only because of my appearance. I know it’s wrong to judge people by their appearances…

BUT THAT DOESN’T STOP PEOPLE FROM DOING IT

A few years ago, a gay guy had questioned if I was “friendly”. I said “I don’t know what that means” and he said “Oh I guess not then”. I then asked him what it meant, he told me, and I asked him why. He said because of the way I looked.

I freaking hate human beings. At least the human beings in Tucson. Fucking Tucson. You are full of judgmental assholes.

So believe me, me thinking that maybe my coworkers think this of me purely based on the way I dress and carry myself is not a crazy idea. Since it’s happened before.

Maybe my coworkers think I’m lesbian BECAUSE I’m a nerd. It’s like they’ve never met a real nerd before. They’ve never met a real geek before or something. 

So right now, I’m very upset. I’m upset because my coworkers don’t give a damn about me. They don’t care about my life or my feelings. Yet they care about Emalies life and have her help them with everything and are all good buddies with her. And I’m upset by this. They are also good buddy buddies with the rest of the pages as well. I’m starting to realize I don’t have a single close friend at my work. And this is total bullshit. I’ve been working here for 5 fucking years and it’s been the best job of my life, yet now I’m starting to realize that my coworkers don’t know a thing about me and could care less about my life.

I want to make a status about this on facebook, because some of my coworkers are my friends on that. But I want it to be like a one sentence thing like “my coworkers don’t know much about me” or something. But I don’t know how to phrase it. Or how to put it. Because maybe then if they see it they will ask me about it. 

Any ideas?

So this is why I’m upset right now. And it fucking sucks.